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Question 18.4.5:
Fallacy: Intermarried couples have exactly the same rights as non-intermarried couples in Reform Congregations

Although congregational policies may differ by congregation, there are a number of Reform responses that address this question:

• In American Reform Responsa #10 (1982) [http://www.ccarnet.org/cgi-bin/respdisp.pl?file=10&year=arr], it is asked if congregational membership can be extended to the non-Jewish member of an interfaith marriage. The conclusion of that responsa is that it should not; only the Jewish member should be considered a member for purposes of being a congregational leader, for it is inappropriate for non-Jews to lead the congregation.

  Some Reform congregations include non-Jewish spouses in family memberships (i.e., the non-Jewish spouse may be a member if the Jewish spouse is a member). Some congregations, as part of the overall autonomy of Reform, do permit the non-Jewish spouse to participate in some rituals. Most congregations reserve some religious roles for only Jewish members, and most congregations reserve the leadership roles, such as election to the board of trustees, or the holding of other offices for the member who is Jewish.

• A 1979 Responsa (http://www.ccarnet.org/cgi-bin/respdisp.pl?file=6&year=arr) says:

  From Babylonian times onward, public prayers for rulers of the country, parallel to those for scholars and students in the academies, were included in the liturgy and have remained there ever since. These rulers, of course, were pagans, Moslems, or Christians. We, in modern times, have gone a number of steps further than this. For example, we regularly recite the names of non-Jewish dead in the lists of deceased read before the Kaddish. In most cases, these are relatives of converts; although the convert is not duty-bound to mourn for his parents, he should be encouraged to do so out of respect (Yad, Hil. Evel 2.3; Radbaz to Yad; Sh.A., Y.D. 374.5; and many subsequent authorities). We have, however, also added the names of notable Christians from time to time. In addition, we have participated frequently in interfaith services, which have generally been associated with national holidays or events; these have usually been non-liturgical in character, i.e., consisted of Biblical readings and various prayers without following the strict order of the service. Furthermore, we have invited non-Jews, including ministers and priests, to address our congregations during our public services. This practice has been widespread in the Reform and Conservative movements. Thus, there is no doubt that we have included priests, ministers, and non-Jewish participants in our services in a manner not known heretofore. In addition, nowadays, because of intermarriage we find the non-Jewish parent involved in a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. It would be appropriate to have that parent participate in some way in the service, but not in the same way as a Jewish parent. For example, he or she should not recite the traditional blessing over the Torah which includes the words "asher bachar banu." It would be well if he/she recite a special blessing, perhaps akin to the words suggested by Solomon B. Freehof: "Praised be Thou, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, Who has given His sacred law unto all His children that we may learn, observe, and serve Him in righteousness" (Current Reform Responsa, p. 91).

  We have, therefore, gone much further than any generation before our time by permitting non-Jews a larger role in our public services; this is part of a more open and friendly interreligious attitude which the Reform Movement has encouraged and led. Yet, these steps have remained within definite limits. We have not included non-Jews, no matter how friendly, in the essential elements of the service. If we follow the line of reasoning which divides between the essential service and supplemental prayers and statements, we may conclude that Christians, Moslems, and other non-Jews who fall into the category of Benei Noach may participate in a public service in any of the following ways: (1) through anything which does not require specific statement from them, i.e., by standing and silently witnessing whatever is taking place (e.g., as a member of a wedding party or as a pallbearer); (2) through the recitation of special prayers added to the service at non-liturgical community wide services, commemorations, and celebrations (Thanksgiving, etc.); (3) through the recitation of prayers for special family occasions (Bar/Bat Mitzvah of children raised as Jews, at a wedding or funeral, etc.). All such prayers and statements should reflect the mood of the service and be non-Christological in nature.

In many Reform congregations, intermarried couples now have more or less the same rights as non-intermarried couples in terms of congregational membership. The key element is "couples"; membership is based on the family unit, not the individual. Often, the non-Jewish partner serves on temple committees, but usually those committees do not include those related to religious practice and ritual (for example, a finance or employment practices committee). A survery conducted by the Commission on Reform Jewish Outreach shows that 88% of Reform Temples allow gentiles to count as Reform Jews by being synagogue members if they are married to Reform Jews; 87% of Reform Temples allow gentiles to serve on synagogue committees, but only 22% of Reform Temples allow gentiles to have an aliyah to the Torah.

The FAQ is a collection of documents that is an attempt to answer questions that are continually asked on the soc.culture.jewish family of newsgroups. It was written by cooperating laypeople from the various Judaic movements. You should not make any assumption as to accuracy and/or authoritativeness of the answers provided herein. In all cases, it is always best to consult a competent authority--your local rabbi is a good place to start.

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