Soc.Culture.Jewish NewsgroupsURL:
www.scjfaq.org/faq/21-02-07.html |
www.scjfaq.org/faq |
< Q21.2.6 | TOC | Q21.3.1 > |
Orthodoxy: Traditional Jewish law is that if a child dies before reaching the age of 30 days, no formal burial is required. Such a child is considered a nefel, and for such a child, no burial and no mourning rites are required (Ket. 20b; Shab. 135b; Evel Rabati I; etc.) The Shulhan Arukah addresses whether a eulogy is permitted; it says for the children of the poor, it may be done from the age of five and onward; and for the children of the rich, from six and onward (M.K. 24b; Shulhan Arukh 344.4). This shows that, traditionally, little was made of infant deaths. Further, a nefel was treated as an amputated limb, and buried in the general section of the cemetary (Ket. 20b) to avoid ritual uncleanliness for the priests (M. Edut 6.3; Yad Hil. Tumat Hamet 2.3; Pahad Yitzhaq, Ever). Note that, strictly speaking, it was not necessary to bury amputated limbs (Shulhan Arukh, Yoreh Deah #209).
It's very easy to think of the traditional position as "heartless." When you've lost a baby and need to grieve, it's natural that you'd want to do it in the way you're familiar with. Orthodox families in this situation are usually forced to look for alternative ways of coming to terms with their grief, since in most cases, the traditional funeral and mourning periods are not observed. This doesn't mean that nothing has happened, or that as far as Judaism is concerned, they have not experienced a loss. They still need consolation and any compassionate Orthodox rabbi and community will recognize this and do their utmost to help the family through their time of pain.
Conservative: Four papers have been validated by the Conservative movement's Commitee on Jewish law and Standards on this issue. Conservative Judaism affirms that where Jewish law allows for more than one possible position, a congregation should follow the ruling of its rabbi, who as mara d'atra [halakhic authority] has the sole responsibility and authority in his/her community for making a p'sak [ruling/decision]. The significant teshuvot are summarized below:
Rabbi Isidoro Aizenberg, 1987. (a) When a full-grown, full-term baby dies within 30 days after birth, there is aniut, keriah, burial, shivah and shiloshim; no eulogy is delivered and the burial is peformed by the immediate family members. If the parents wish, they may recite the kaddish for 30 days. (b) If the baby was born prematurely, the above customs should be practiced only if it died more than 30 days after its birth. (c) If the baby was born prematurely and died before 30 days are over, the baby should be treated as a fetus. There is burial, but no other rituals are practiced. In all 3 cases, should parents ask the rabbi if they may recite the kaddish, their request should not be denied. This teshuva can obtained from the CJLS by one's local Conservative rabbi. (II)
Rabbi Debra Reed Blank - teshuva on miscarriage. She agrees with the first teshuva for the case of a full-term baby dying within 30 days after birth. For cases when the fetus was not born alive, full mourning rites are not called for or appropriate, for that would compromise the position of classical Judaism on the legitimacy of abortion in some circumstances. However, in event of a miscarriage the community should tend to both members of the couple under the rubric of bikur holim (visiting the sick), for they are suffering from the loss of the child that they were expecting to have. The couple may recite the kaddish if they choose. This teshuva can obtained from the CJLS by one's local Conservative rabbi.
Rabbi Stephanie Dickstein, 1999. In an extension and revision of her 1992 paper, she also agrees with the first teshuva for the case of a full-term baby dying within 30 days after birth. For cases when the fetus was not born alive, she holds that burial in a Jewish cemetery is required for stillbirths, and she recommends a funeral service. The stillborn may be named and circumcision can, but need not, be done. The grave should be marked later. After the first day, the parents may observe the practices associated with shiva b'tzniut (private observances which do not involve the community). This teshuva is online at http://learn.jtsa.edu/topics/diduknow/responsa/hatesh_confront.shtml
Additionally, Conservative/Liberal Jewish responses to these situations can be found in Nina Beth Cardin's "Tears of Sorrow, Seeds of Hope: A Jewish Spiritual Companion for Infertility and Pregnancy Loss" (Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights, 1999).
The FAQ is a collection of documents that is an attempt to answer questions that are continually asked on the soc.culture.jewish family of newsgroups. It was written by cooperating laypeople from the various Judaic movements. You should not make any assumption as to accuracy and/or authoritativeness of the answers provided herein. In all cases, it is always best to consult a competent authority--your local rabbi is a good place to start.
Hopefully, the FAQ will provide the answer to your questions. If it doesn't, please drop Email to questions@scjfaq.org. The FAQ maintainer will endeavor to direct your query to an appropriate individual that can answer it. If you would like to be part of the group to which the maintainer directs questions, please drop a note to the FAQ maintainer at maintainer@scjfaq.org.
|
||
|
© (c) 1993-2004
Daniel P. Faigin <maintainer@scjfaq.org>